The first book I read by Brené Brown was Daring Greatly, a book that challenged me in the best way possible. Since reading it, I have done my best to be courageous, lean into uncomfortable things, and not shy away from vulnerability. I have a lot of work to do in these areas, but I wouldn’t be even close to where I am without this book. After reading Daring Greatly, I now watch, listen, and read as many things as I can from Brené. I think she is one of the coolest people—not only because she’s funny, but also because leads by example; she’s authentic and real, even when this means admitting and owning the times when she didn’t perfectly practice what she preaches.
When I read one of Brené’s books, I find it to be exhilarating and exhausting all at once. The Gift of Imperfection was no different. As I read, on one hand, I don’t want to stop reading. On the other, I try to put into practice what she shares, and I work to apply the information to my own life. This can be draining and means I sometimes have to put the book down for a bit and take a breather—even if it’s for a couple of days (or a week or two). This is something I love about her and her books, the lessons are so real, and I love the challenge of trying to intentionally implement what I’m learning, but also do my best to not accept defeat right away when working through these hard subjects. After finish The Gifts of Imperfection, there are a few things that impacted me deeply.
If we really want to practice compassion, we have to start by setting boundaries and holding people accountable for their behavior.
— Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection, p. 26
Sometimes, I think information is placed in front of us for a reason. Brené’s message about the need for accountability found me in the right place at the right time. I was reading as fast as I could, and with every word, I felt lighter knowing that we need to keep others accountable (and maybe ourselves accountable too) as a practice of compassion. At the same time, as I read this, I also felt like I was being hit by a train because it made me realize that the onus was on me to hold others accountable. Brené’s findings reframed what it means to hold people accountable. Although I know that you can be assertive and hold others accountable without being a jerk, I still feel like a jerk doing it. However, as I read this, things just clicked in all the right ways, and it seemed like that final push I needed to see that it’s okay to be courageous and hold others accountable. Will it be easy to do this going forward? I doubt it. But will I do it anyway? I sure hope so.
Perfectionism is addictive because when we invariably do experience shame, judgement, and blame, we often believe it’s because we weren’t perfect enough.
— Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection, p. 77
I am a perfectionist. No matter how you look at it, I just am and despite my best efforts, it’s been something that has been hard for me to let go of. Brené talks about the difference between perfectionism and doing your best or striving for excellence. This is what has held me back from being able to let go of my perfectionist tendencies—I feel like my desire to do my best and my perfectionist traits are one and the same, and separating them has been unsuccessful. Whenever I feel like I’m getting close, perfectionism kicks in and it wins every time. I wish I could say that I read this chapter and suddenly abandoned perfectionism. That’s certainly, 150% not the case. I have a lot of work to do in this area, like a lot. But, this chapter gave me a different outlook on things. Not only do I see now how it’s addictive, but I also can see where my efforts to be perfect are things that can open me up to more judgment, exactly what perfectionism is trying to avoid. I also feel the self-destructive aspects of perfectionism; since there is no such thing as perfect, I’m running a race that will never, ever end.
Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness; it’s about creating a clearing. It’s opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question.
—Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection, p. 138
Stillness, where do I start. This is a section of the book that I feel I can do pretty well at, so it was validating to know that I’m doing something right. At the same time, I recognize that I can be better at practicing stillness. Like Brené, one of my favorite forms of stillness involves movement. If I can go for a walk outside, or for a good bike ride, there is nothing like it. The quote above perfectly encapselates my walks or rides—I feel I go through all of the stages she mentions. I feel, think, dream, and question, all before I arrive back home. Unfortunatly, living in northern Minnesota, there is a significant chunck of the year where walking or riding bike outside just isn’t going to happen. I want to see how I can start to incorporate more of the stillness I feel during these while doing something else during the winter months.
